There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
