I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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