he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
