then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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