The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
