yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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