You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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