9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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