i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize