fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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