You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All the doctor said was why
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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