he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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