just come out here and I will go home with you...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
