And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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