arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
