Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
