Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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