You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
