Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
