How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
