I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
