She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
