did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
