omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
