3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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