I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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