i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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