My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
