I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
