32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
