He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
