i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
