Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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