Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
