Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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