please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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