So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
