a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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