My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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