he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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