You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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