I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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