i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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