chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
