how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
