Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
