you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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