she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
