Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
