I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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