Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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