Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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