rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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