Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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