i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
