You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
