she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
