the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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