we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
