All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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