I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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