I molested 6 butterflies tonight
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
