There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
